"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one” C.S. Lewis I have been thinking often about relationships and how much value is put upon romance. We grew up saturated with the idea of a soulmate, kissing in the rain, and butterflies. These images attack the most vulnerable among us, making anyone without love or romance feeling like an ogre.
Nice post. Aristotle believed there are three types of friendship, which are as follows:
1. The friendship of utility. These friendships are based on what someone can do for you, or what you can do for another person. It might be that you put in a good word for someone, and they buy you a gift in return. I think this category is that of an acquaintance, because you are not able to be open and honest with them;
2. The friendship of pleasure. These are friendships based on enjoyment of a shared activity or the pursuit of fleeting pleasures and emotions. This might be someone you go for drinks with, or join a particular hobby with, and is a common level of association among the young, so Aristotle declared. This type of relationship can again end quickly, dependent as it is on people’s ever-changing likes and dislikes; and
3. The friendship of virtue. These are the people you like for themselves, who typically influence you positively and push you to be a better person. “For perfect friendship you must get to know someone thoroughly,” Aristotle says, “and become intimate with them, which is a very difficult thing to do.” It involves offering and receiving honesty, acceptance, and selflessness. It is two equal parties coming together to forge a bond that provides mutual benefit, enjoyment, and appreciation. Cicero agrees with this perspective, viewing this love as being driven by one’s integrity: “For nothing inspires love, nothing conciliates affection, like virtue.” Cicero maintains that “Friendship springs from a natural impulse rather than a wish for help: from an inclination of the heart, combined with a certain instinctive feeling of love, rather than from a deliberate calculation of the material advantage it was likely to confer.” Aristotle thought that friendships of virtue were rare and that a person could have no more than maybe five in one’s life, meaning some close friends and even family members may be relegated to friendships of pleasure or even utility.
I've lost most of my friends over the past couple years -- 2 died, but I lost a bunch during the COVID scam and another recently. Pre-Orange Man it was much easier to separate the personal from the political, but over the past decade or so the personal and the political have blended and it is increasingly difficult to separate the two. And I don't think it's easy to make new friends as we age; we mostly lose the ones we have. Oh well...
Nice post. Aristotle believed there are three types of friendship, which are as follows:
1. The friendship of utility. These friendships are based on what someone can do for you, or what you can do for another person. It might be that you put in a good word for someone, and they buy you a gift in return. I think this category is that of an acquaintance, because you are not able to be open and honest with them;
2. The friendship of pleasure. These are friendships based on enjoyment of a shared activity or the pursuit of fleeting pleasures and emotions. This might be someone you go for drinks with, or join a particular hobby with, and is a common level of association among the young, so Aristotle declared. This type of relationship can again end quickly, dependent as it is on people’s ever-changing likes and dislikes; and
3. The friendship of virtue. These are the people you like for themselves, who typically influence you positively and push you to be a better person. “For perfect friendship you must get to know someone thoroughly,” Aristotle says, “and become intimate with them, which is a very difficult thing to do.” It involves offering and receiving honesty, acceptance, and selflessness. It is two equal parties coming together to forge a bond that provides mutual benefit, enjoyment, and appreciation. Cicero agrees with this perspective, viewing this love as being driven by one’s integrity: “For nothing inspires love, nothing conciliates affection, like virtue.” Cicero maintains that “Friendship springs from a natural impulse rather than a wish for help: from an inclination of the heart, combined with a certain instinctive feeling of love, rather than from a deliberate calculation of the material advantage it was likely to confer.” Aristotle thought that friendships of virtue were rare and that a person could have no more than maybe five in one’s life, meaning some close friends and even family members may be relegated to friendships of pleasure or even utility.
I've lost most of my friends over the past couple years -- 2 died, but I lost a bunch during the COVID scam and another recently. Pre-Orange Man it was much easier to separate the personal from the political, but over the past decade or so the personal and the political have blended and it is increasingly difficult to separate the two. And I don't think it's easy to make new friends as we age; we mostly lose the ones we have. Oh well...
The older I get the more I cherish the friendships that have endured. I think COVID and anything that is trending sadly can tarnish any relationship.
Thanks for reminding me of that Aristotle quote and for the elaborate comment. Feels good to know that I am not alone here.